In the Time of the Scorpions

This was originally written for Hajde Hajde, our newsletter so you might not get all of the references, but I thought you would still get a kick out of it.

One fine autumn afternoon, I was sitting on my bed enjoying an episode of Gossip Girl when I saw a movement out of the corner of my eye. Imagine my surprise when I realized it was a scorpion taking a stroll across my bedroom floor. Now, I know I joined the Peace Corps. I know that somewhere in the recesses of my brain, I expected to run into critters from the other side, but scorpions?!? Shouldn’t the Peace Corps warn us about such deadly animals? Maybe provide us with some sort of defense. I grabbed my available protection: a plastic bucket. Tragically, my bucket was filled with sand, so I couldn’t use it to trap my fearless foe.

And so alone, sitemateless, I sat, facing the dreaded challenger. And then, I did what any self respecting Pennsylvanian would do. I screamed, stood on my bed, and called someone. This PCV, who shall remain nameless because he’d just edit it out of HajdeHajde anyway, managed to convince me that scorpions get a bad rap and that my desert stinger wouldn’t actually hurt me. In fact, it would be better to be stung by a scorpion than by a bee.

Armed with the most dangerous weapon of them all: knowledge. I decided to confront my roving rival. My action plan: strategically sweep it out of the bedroom and out the door. Obstacle: all appropriate footwear was conveniently located outside. Creative Solution: Three inch heels.

The scorpion was indeed a cunning opponent. In a fit of bravery and daring, it grabbed the tines of the broom with its mini pinchers and held on for dear life. Inspired by its courage, I let it live another day. I left the broom outside and by the next morning, my clawed friend was gone.

Since this epic battle, I have learned some interesting facts about scorpions. They can be killed using a book (alternate uses for your two volume language set?) They like indoor wood piles so watch out you wood stove owners. Being born under the sign of Scorpio does not give you immunity to scorpion venom. Scorpions are not mentioned in our health handbook, although centipedes and millipedes are. And the name for scorpion in Shqip is akrepi which is also the name for the hands of a clock. I haven’t the foggiest idea why.